Yup, you knew this would be coming. Sam is cringing, Jimmy and Tom are rolling their eyes and Jerry can probably be found under some table, all knocked out by the idea that I will eventually have to directly address the public.
I'm Kyle. I'm the only person in this group who can legally drink. That means I'm 21 and over, just in case you're slow. Do I drink? No. Why? Because I throw up if I do. I'm sure you all wanted to know that. Hmmm... maybe Jerry does have a point about me talking in public.
Anywho... I like to talk weird - as in use words and constructions in such a manner that you can't tell if I'm sarcastic or not (hint: I usually am). How can I describe myself? Rude, selfish, sarcastic, crazy, super-strong and, unfortunately, damn good-looking. The only people who's feelings I care about are my mom and Sam. Okay, I'm lying - there's Kay, Angie and Jessie, too. Angie's a sweet kid and Jessie's my best friend, so of course I care about them. And I guess Tina. Oh, yeah, you're probably wondering who Tina is - she's Jerry's girlfriend - I've noticed he forgot to mention he has a girlfriend. Blew your cover, Jer'.
Back to me - I was raised by my Uncle Max - he's Mom's twin - since I was two. Why my parents abandoned me there, I don't really know, and I've given up on finding out - no use fighting Dad and making Mom cry. I came home right before I turned 20 - right in time for college - Max had to resort to some really nasty trickery to get me to go home. Because I was happy in Texas. And I had Kay.
Fortunately, I still have Kay - else, I'd be really pissed. Kay's my girlfriend, but I think you've already figured that one out by now. Dad hates her and Mom loves her - I don't know which I find more annoying. I wish they'd both just like her. No, I take that back. I wish Dad would just get off my back or at least tell me why he wants me to break up with her so bad. Ain't happening, I can tell you that much.
Other stuff about me: I love cars, motorcycles and driving them - I'm not into the actual mechanics of them, like Jimmy - I love music (was in a band at some point - play guitar), fighting (drives Jerry crazy), movies and junk food. My dislikes - people who lie, pink stuff and anyone who can be cruel to animals. Also, anyone who can say I'm giving this 120% with a straight face. In life, you need to relax, too.
See... this wasn't so bad. I just gave random information, in a polite manner and now I can just finish this up and go do something more fulfilling. Like beat someone up or make out with my girlfriend (hah! Had to add this one if for Jerry- I honestly don't care what anyone thinks)
I'll probably be back in a while with my latest prank or angry rant about who pissed me off.
(I obviously don't care enough to give a proper farewell, so imagine the one that suits you)